Does attachment parenting imply creating emotional dependency in children?

Educating a child is not an easy task, so it is understandable that sometimes parents are not sure if the methods they use are the most appropriate. It is difficult to know to what extent we are too authoritarian or too permissive, especially if we do not have benchmarks that allow us to establish healthy limits for children.

Attachment parenting affirms that we must educate from love and respect, fostering an emotionally safe environment for the child in which all their needs are taken into account. However, can that attachment turn into emotional dependence?

What is attachment parenting?

Attachment parenting involves establishing a loving and secure relationship with the child, meeting their emotional needs. These 8 principles of attachment parenting reveal the way forward:

  1. Preparation for pregnancy, birth and parenthood.
  2. Food with love and respect.
  3. Sensitive response to the baby’s needs from birth.
  4. Maternal contact for as long as possible.
  5. Suitable for physically and emotionally safe sleep.
  6. Suitable for constant loving care.
  7. Positive discipline practice.
  8. Search for balance between personal and family life.

Positive Discipline: The Key to Attachment Parenting

Attachment parenting implies educating from love, but that does not mean that there are no limits. Parents should set appropriate limits for the child’s developmental stage so that the child can safely explore the world. In fact, limits and norms give meaning to the world of children, allow them to know what is expected of them and, at the same time, avoid the frustration in parents by nurturing unrealistic expectations about their child.

Parenting with attachment does not spoil children because it does not fall into permissiveness, but rather disciplines from love. Few limits are set, but clear and consistent. The child is not punished but the behavior, which means that no emotional wounds are left, but the misbehavior is corrected.

By setting such limits, care is taken to give the child the freedom and space they need to discover the world.

Satisfying the emotional needs of children and educating them from love and respect will not generate emotional dependency, on the contrary, it contributes to educating children with self-confidence and good self-esteem.

Resistant Attachment: The Prelude to Emotional Dependence

Resistant attachment, which usually occurs in approximately 10% of children, is what generates an emotional dependence on parents. These children try to stay close to their parents and become very upset when they leave. They are overly cautious around strangers and explore little when their parents are not present.

Resistant attachment is usually the result of a combination of factors, although at its base is an inconsistent relationship with parents. Usually it is because parents, because they experienced inconsistent parenting that did not convey the emotional security they needed, trying to compensate for their “emotional hunger” with their child. As a result, they practice possessive behaviors, developing an overprotective educational style that leads them to live through their children. The result of that overprotection is emotional dependence.…

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Educate the children and it will not be necessary to punish the men

The title that heads this article was a phrase spoken by Pythagoras. He had a privileged position 2400 years ago as a mathematician and philosopher. He influenced Platonic and Aristotelian thoughts and his ideas still mark us today and make us reflect. 24 centuries later, the phrase at the head of this article continues to mark education around the world.

 

Children are like blank books

 

Children should be taught behavioral values, respect, justice, equity, equality … they are fundamental values ​​not only to be able to live together in society, but also so that in the future they can have a good behavior towards themselves and towards others. Children at birth are like blank books, and their parents or their legal guardians are the ones who must be in charge of being able to paint correctly on each of their pages.

 

A five-year-old who insults his mother, gets constantly angry, gets away with it, or is taught in rude ways and spankings will likely have behavior problems in the future. An eight-year-old who yells at his mother because he has not made him a snack and is hungry will likely have behavior problems in the future. A twelve-year-old boy who demands to have certain things and his mother gives them to him just for not arguing, will also have behavior problems in the future … and so the examples can become endless.

 

The human being is sociable and needs a good example

 

The human being is a sociable being by nature that needs an example from those in charge in order to evolve and know how to act. If you educate a child by hitting or yelling, in the future he may have serious emotional problems that turn into disorders or even impulsive and criminal behavior problems.

 

Although when children are young no one can imagine these extremes, the years pass and reality arrives.

 

Children need rules and limits to respect themselves and others, they will learn to live together in society and to know that they are not more important than the rest. That their desires and their needs, in many occasions must be controlled, whatever they are. Also, they must learn to seek help when they need it, when they feel in danger both physically and emotionally.

 

Values ​​and norms are not something innate that children know or learn. They internalize them through example, they are transmitted to them through education and that is why it is necessary to say NO to children, establish norms and make them autonomous and self-sufficient … always taking into account their emotional well-being.

 

Frustration is part of life

 

Frustration is part of life and it is necessary to understand it so that there are no pathological problems in the future. It is necessary that both men and women from their childhood are educated so as not to have to punish them in their adult life, that they know how to face real life, where the rules do not have to be imposed because they already know and respect them.

 

In this way they will not end up being aimless adults, because when this happens it is because they did not have an adult by their side when they were children who could serve as a reference to guide their steps … without using fear, if not example and emotional education.

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